Learning to Surrender in BJJ: How Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Teaches Us One of Life’s Most Important Lessons (2025)
At 70, my journey with Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu has taught me many things about resilience, technique, and the wisdom that comes with age. But recently, I’ve discovered that the most profound lessons about surrender—both on the mat and in life—have come from exploring deeper states of consciousness through breathwork and plant medicine ceremonies.
The Illusion of Control
In BJJ, we quickly learn that fighting against superior position often makes things worse. The harder you struggle against a dominant opponent, the more energy you waste and the deeper you sink into trouble. Yet despite knowing this intellectually, most of us still react with immediate resistance when caught in bad positions.
This same pattern shows up everywhere in life. We resist difficult emotions, fight against challenging circumstances, and exhaust ourselves trying to control outcomes that are largely beyond our influence. We’ve been conditioned to think that surrender means giving up or being weak, when in reality, it might be the most skillful response we can develop.
What Surrender Actually Means
Recently, during an intense consciousness exploration session, I experienced a breakthrough in understanding what surrender truly involves. I had been trying to “escape” from overwhelming visions by opening my eyes, using my usual avoidance strategies when things got too intense. But the experience followed me even with my eyes open, and I realized the medicine was essentially saying, “Oh no, you’re not getting away that easy.”
At that moment, I faced a choice: continue fighting or finally learn what surrender actually meant. When I stopped resisting and “went into the intensity of the vision rather than away,” something remarkable happened. The experience became gentler as I moved toward it rather than running from it.
This taught me that surrender isn’t passive resignation—it’s an active choice to stop fighting and instead deal with what comes as it comes. It’s about changing the playing field rules so you can move forward in a new light.
The Death and Rebirth of Patterns
During this same experience, I witnessed what felt like my own death and rebirth—not physical death, but the dissolution of old patterns and the emergence of new possibilities. What could have been terrifying became simply an awareness of “oh, that just happened.” The shaman had prepared us earlier, explaining that spiritual death during ceremony was not only safe but beneficial.
This mirrors what happens in deep BJJ training. Sometimes we have to let our ego “die” a little—release our attachment to looking good, to never tapping, to maintaining a certain image. In those moments of ego death, we’re reborn as more skillful, more humble practitioners.
Integration: The Real Work Begins
The most profound insights often require significant integration time. Just as we don’t immediately master a technique after seeing it once, spiritual breakthroughs need time to settle into our nervous system and daily life. I’m learning that the real work happens in the weeks and months following intense experiences, as new understanding gradually reshapes how we respond to challenges.
Recently, I received an invitation to spend ten days doing intensive plant medicine work in the Peruvian jungle. My immediate reaction was excitement—I wanted more of these profound experiences. But my gut wisdom said to be patient, that this is a journey and things will work out in their own timing.
This is another form of surrender: not forcing opportunities that feel forced, but trusting that life has its own intelligence and rhythm. The same wisdom that knows when we’re ready for deeper teachings also knows when we need integration time.
Applying Surrender in BJJ
So how does this translate to practical BJJ training? When caught in a bad position, instead of immediately fighting with brute force, I’m learning to:
- Breathe and assess – Create space for awareness rather than react from panic
- Move with the pressure – Work with the forces acting on me rather than against them
- Stay present – Remain conscious and responsive rather than mentally checking out
- Trust the process – Accept that being uncomfortable is part of learning
This doesn’t mean becoming passive or giving up. It means becoming more intelligent about when to resist and when to flow, when to push and when to yield.
As spiritual teacher Sadhguru puts it, “Responsibility simply means your ability to respond.” When we stop reacting from habit and start responding from awareness, we reclaim our power to shape our experience. “Reactivity is enslavement. Responsibility is freedom.“
The Broader Application
These lessons extend far beyond the mat. Whether dealing with aging, difficult relationships, work stress, or life transitions, the principles remain the same. Fighting against reality exhausts us. Working skillfully with what is opens new possibilities.
I’m still integrating these insights, watching for moments when I can apply this new understanding of surrender. Sometimes the most profound changes happen not through dramatic breakthroughs but through gradually shifting how we meet each moment.
For those of us training BJJ later in life, this integration of physical practice with deeper awareness work offers a path that honors both our bodies and our evolving consciousness. We may not have the attributes of younger grapplers, but we can develop wisdom that serves us both on and off the mat.
The journey continues, one breath at a time, one moment of conscious surrender at a time. And as I’ve learned, when we stop fighting the current and learn to navigate with it, we often find ourselves exactly where we need to be.
